Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Not so family friendly post



It's a good thing most cyclists don't carry guns. Or maybe we oughta. I tell you what, if one more pickup-driving self-important asshole tries to brush me off the road with his goddamn oversize extendo mirrors, I am going to switch my more than adequate brainpower allocation from steadfastly maintaining a good attitude to a path of retribution.

I mean, what is it? Is the air so thin in those oversize and elevated cabs that these muckheads honestly believe they're some kind of badassess instead of (and to borrow a line from "Shoot 'em up") pussies with trucks?

What's it supposed to mean when they slam the accelerator to the floor as they pass? "I'd run you over if I really had ballz?" Am I supposed to be impressed? Intimidated? Or what? Like a 1500 is any kind of truck anyway. Buddy, if you *need* a truck, you *need* at least a 3/4 ton. Poseur.

Perhaps I'll just start taking the whole lane, as is my right. Should you render me dead right, may my lawyer sis visit all her frustrations on your estate and may pidgins perch atop the headstones of you and yours for all eternity. Heck, I'm not gonna wait. I wish you the pidgins now.

18 comments:

sda said...

Yowzas look out, Syd's on a tear.

Rightfully so. I had some a-hole gun his diesel as he was passing me just yesterday morning, which had the intended effect of dousing me with black smoke. I don't understand the hostility, I was in the bike lane .... perhaps it has something to do with their manliness being threatened because they see someone riding a bike in the cold, which they couldn't do because they are actually the soft ones. Commuting by bicycle in the winter requires a personal toughness that they can only fantasize about.

Meh. Let them be miserable.

oldmanandhisbike said...

"What's it supposed to mean when they slam the accelerator to the floor as they pass?"
Answer: "This ones got a hemi!"
That is the mentality of the urban redneck. No getting around it. And it will never change.
We on the other hand, just have to do our part to educate the public. The next time they roll down the window to shout expletives at you for "taking the lane" just remind them of your rights as a cyclist. Once you explain it to them, I'm sure word will get around and society as a whole will complete a transformation of respect for their two-wheeled brethern.
And if that doesn't work, call him a f_cking @$$hole!

Marc said...

I give 'em 4 choices: 1) go around me 2) hit me and i get back up
3) hit me and paralyze me 4) hit me and kill me.

If they stop, I tell 'em I don't recommend the latter 3. Then ride around to the front of 'em and see what they choose.

So far, out of the hundreds I've tryed to get to stop to waste their time, 2 have. Both went around me.

I don't recommend this to ANYONE!but it's quite a thrill when they charge at you. Then the feeling of " i showed you what you really are as a person " is. I'm sure they think about me for awhile and cyclists and how crazy they could be.

Chris said...

Amen Syd. I have written similar posts and am all but fed up. I got flipped off by someone in a big SUV the other day for no reason. I mean no reason. I actually hope I don't catch one of these assholes at a stop sign or a light. I don't want to end up in the paper.

Jim said...

I had the same thing happen to me last week. Kid's in a jeep come buy yelling, flipping me off, etc. I caught them at the next light. It was so funny to watch them freak ! I rode up as they had forgot about me, opened the car door and watched the kid who was there dive into the drivers lap. I must have looked like a crazy man, I was finishing up a gravel road ride and was mud head to toe. I screamed at them and made them promise to never yell at another cyclist. Told them I had there plate number gave it to a cop friend who called their parents.

It was classic. Only the second time in 18 years of racing that I caught someone. I felt energized !

By the way I own a truck so don't be made at me ! Hope your day gets better.

Anonymous said...

I chase these people down.I follow them into parking lots :o). What I'd like to do is wait for them to park & begin waddling into where ever they're going,then ride by, graze them with an elbow, & scream profanities!
What I actually do is wait for them to exit the vehicle,then I pop out at them (just to freak'em out a tad) asking them calmly why they hate me so much.I CALL THEM OUT.I try to make them think.

BTW, I've noticed 9 times outta 10 it's gonna be someone driving a Dodge Ram.

mattonne said...

I don't know why but this type of thing PISSES me off instantly, the sad thing is I don't think its ever gonna change...it really does help my training when I'm trying to chase them down :)

len said...

Now I'm not gonna try and hide the fact that I've had a few aggressive confrontations with motorists. once I even kicked off the side view mirror of an audi and smashed the guys glasses after he threw a mango smoothie in my face.

but you gotta be careful with that cause you never know what a person is carrying in their glove box. my buddy and I had a guy chase us down throughout Berkeley yelling he was going to shoot us after I told him off. he eventually got to where he was coming at us and tried to run us over. that was a BMW and not a pickup.

Marc said...

Toro! Toro! You want to play. Ah! the spanish blood in me.

Shooting from a moving car at a moving cyclist? Wow, he better be a good shot. Dam, don't you guys got concealed weapons laws out there? Call the police. That's a for sure crime.

You got to be thinking when messing with these types. More than likely they won't harm you.

Here's a good one. Punk yells at me out the window. Looses his white ball hat. Comes back to get it. Dam, how'd that grease from my chain get on your hat. Out comes ball bat. Nothing.

Sprayed with mace. Bro kicking the crap out of there truck.

Buzzed by car. Pulls into trailhead parking lot with bike on it. Confront. He brings out a billy club. That's one of the best.

Truck buzzes friend and me. Flip them off. Comes back. Big dude gets out. Chases friend thru ditch. I come back. Get off bike. Grabs me by the throat. Next time take off cycling shoes before a fight. No traction.

Chase car down. Bang on passenger window with my helmet. On my head. Freaked them out.

Again, I don't recommend violence.

sydney_b said...

Y'all have me laughing now.

@Jim, I think I woulda died of laughter had I got to witness that.

@Marc, I'll keep the 'remove cycling shoes' in mind.

@oldman, Ah... thanks for the translation.

oldmanandhisbike said...

I love and detest the fact that this is the one issue that binds us all. Racer, weekend warrior, casual rider, mom and pop; everyone.
There is almost no one out there who hasn't been confronted by "the close call" at least once. Sometimes, once a ride.
And despite our bitching, our reiteration of "vehicular rights" it will continue.
Until Joe Redneck (or even average citizen) has lost his or her right to drive and is relegate to riding a bike for daily transportation, will they see the error of their ways.
There was a feature article in one of the latest Bicycling magazines about this issue and I could not bring myself to read it. Too depressing.
So, continue to fight the good fight but stay on your toes.

Bri said...

I just got an email today that the following bill in the IN Senate:

SB 308 – Waltz
Citations Affected: IC 9-21-8.
Synopsis: Safe distance when overtaking a bicycle. Requires a person driving a vehicle overtaking a bicycle to maintain a distance of at least three feet between the vehicle and the bicycle when passing on the right or the left. Makes conforming amendments.

Effective: July 1, 2008.

Let's hope it passes, and then you have another excuse to visit your more-eastern teammates :)

Have you noticed that they are typically eating a BigMac with one hand while honking with the other?

Megan M said...

Idiots and trucks don't mix. I figured that out the other day after uncorking my somewhat overbuilt temper on a guy who tried to side-swipe me. I chucked my water bottle at him, and realized right after it left my hand that it was frozen. (another benefit of riding in extreme cold).

Left a big dent in the tailgate and had to hammer to get away.

The way I see it, the water bottle was the perpetrator on this one, not me...right?

munsoned said...

I have deeply pondered this issue. We all drive correct? Now, when you're driving and someone cuts you off, you react in the exact same way as this instance. You get mad and want to hurt that person. Even if they accidentally cut you off. For instance, the both of you are on the interstate and the driver in the next lane didn't see you as they started to pull into your lane. I've been on both sides of this equation. When the offender comes at me, I get pissed. When I've accidentally changed lanes without checking for clearance, I've made other people really mad.

I know on a bike, it's much more intense because we feel critically threatened. In a car, we have a (false) sense of security. It's mainly about a personal space issue. Everyone on the road believes they deserve to be there and anyone who messes with them is in the wrong. This goes for both cyclists and drivers. As a driver, everyone thinks they are the best and no one else knows what they are doing. If you are running late, you feel like everyone is going slow just to spite you. And if you drive slow, you feel like those people driving too fast are reckless maniacs. With cycling, we can't go the speed of traffic so we are "in the way" of anyone traveling at normal auto speeds. We have the right to be there, but we should also recognize that others don't feel the same way. If you have ever thought while driving, "That old person needs to quit driving so slow," or, "Get off the phone and pay attention," then you are guilty of the same mentality. I know I am.

So I've learned to try and quell my instinct to yell at or go after a driver who buzzes me or gives me a hard time. It's a tough battle, internally, but I feel that if you just give the disappointed head shake to those who berate you, or wave kindly as a response to the middle finger, maybe the motorists will eventually stop being so rude. If you can do that, the motorists may not change for the better, but at least your health and well-being is going to be at peace.

Say it with me now, "Gooos-frabaaaah."

Marc said...

Mike, I guess that works if they accidently dont see you. How can they not see you when they come from behind you? There's lots of road. There's lots of time to pass. People just don't think.

Veronica said...

Hey, I think all of you
I have it eay in Ft.C 'cause my commute is mostly bike path and I don't encounter many of these jerks.

I think you should follow them, loaded with a bunch of bumpersitckers and slap one of these on their bumpers.

http://www.cafepress.com/ursinelogic.132084225

http://www.cafepress.com/teehee.10329566

http://www.cafepress.com/bluegreenred.27380053

Aaahhhhh the anger they would feel when they found these on their bumpers would be GREAT! I do love the sneaky and subtle forms of revenge.

Adrian_O said...

Been there - i wave and smile at them...and then i give them a thumbs up as they check their rear view mirror. Someday - I'll be super cool like them...someday.

bug said...

We had one of those guys bothering us during a ride. He got caught at the redlight. I said really nice-like in his open window : "Good thing all those boys are dying in the middle east so you can put gas in your truck.'
I backed up and shouted: ''GOD BLESS AMERICA!!' and I smiled and waved at him. The light turned green and he went a different way than us but he never responded to me, he also didn't punch his engine. Yeah it was a stupid thing for me to say but he probably felt more stupid that I said it to HIM. HIs truck had a huge american flag in the back window!!!